For about almost a year, I've been trying to be seen.
A lot of this desire manifested in various directions. I've gotten into game development, spend every day working on a new fanfic to post, another short story or flash fiction to send to a magazine, another application to write here or there, another chapter of my webnovel to post, another game stream under my new Vtuber identity, another...
Well, yeah. Safe to say it doesn't end. But it's a bit more than making things for the sake of it. I want those things to be seen, too. I want to know if there's someone out there who likes what I make, or if I'm creating for me and me alone.
I think I'd be kinda fine with the latter. But I've received plenty of negative feedback, much more than anything positive. I've had my creations shittalked when people thought I wasn't looking. I've gotten low ratings on stories I put out, which is fine, but I've always wondered what they didn't like about it. The poor art? That's fair. I'm not much of an artist. The terrible, overwrought writing? I'd like to know. Is it something I can improve, or is it just too 'me'? Do I need to filter myself more to be someone worth hearing?
I don't know. But I haven't given up yet. That has to count for something, right?
I think sometimes I see that 'yet' as an inevitable wall I have to accept. I have all this energy and passion now, but I can't keep trying in silence forever. Even if I really want to.
The one thing keeping me going is knowing I'm not alone. I need to make more friends with similar interests like mine so we can hold hands and skip into the sunset or something...