I've picked up a new 'thing' this year. After impulsively deciding to order this cool pokemon themed planner I saw on twitter (i refuse to call it anything else), I've gotten really into journaling. I've dug up some old notebooks and started writing in them--in fact, the new visual novel I made like. A week ago, I wrote entirely in a journal before I edited it while typing it on PC. I've been using my planner more as a 'things I'd like to get done!' place, while I do customization and more freeform writing in other journals.
Overall, it's been fun! But in making all these lists and goals, a part of me is starting to wonder...
I don't like getting too much into my personal junk on the internet, but I am what you may call........the struggler. Aka, I still haven't been able to get a job in a field I'd like, much less the one I studied for in college. Sometimes I wonder if I'll always be stuck in retail, and in a sense, I can't help but feel my constant desire to improve my craft, not letting myself rest, if that might be a manifestation of anxiety.
We all have the fear of being stuck in a miserable part of our lives. Wondering if this is 'all there is', so to speak. I think I cling to these lists I make and these goals I set as a reminder to myself I haven't given up yet, and that if I keep making progress, maybe I'll find a place of contentment in life one day. Recognition, popularity, just a decent job.
Something like that. I write to live, I guess.
I still want to keep making these lists and pursuing good habits, but at the end of it all, I think I also need to remind myself that it isn't a race. The internet blasts us with people who are way younger and more successful than us day after day. Rather than letting that weigh me down, I just...need to remember that it's fine that isn't me. Honestly? Probably for the better...I was obnoxious when I was younger.