Love notes are so cheesy, honestly. Who'd do that? Not Jade, that's who.
After the game, there’d been too much left unsaid. Too many bits and pieces left hanging between Jade and her friends…
No, not just friends.
There was something left unsaid, festering in the cracks of failed relationships, of torn hearts. Of all the nights she spent trying and failing to push back all her nerves. Of all the days she spent spitting out her hair in the morning, chewed up wads of gross anxiety she never wanted anyone to see. She adored her brother-- so she would never let him see her worst self.
As odd as it sounded, she always felt that Dave saw the best of her. As horrible as it was, those moments only came at the time of his death. She wanted to be his hero, she wanted to prove that she could be the cool and brave person she thought he was then. Not that she doesn’t think that anymore, but…well, complications. Things change when your first and only kiss with the boy you love was with his corpse. Even Davesprite could hardly hold her hand on most days.
She spent many of her worst nights dreaming of seeing him again. Of him stepping close to her a stranger, an old friend, a connection to be mended but never as it was before, but as something weaker. As a collection of lost feelings, memories, promises left behind with his body, hers miles away and unable to even be there for him.
She was reminded of space.
She was reminded of the distance light travels just to reach a planet. Of the flicker of light that connects the two, of how the mirage they leave is merely an imprint of forgotten history. A cold feeling of dread, like a black hole opening up and swallowing her insides formed within. She will never accept that fate for hers.
She will not be a star in his life. As she stood outside his makeshift house, in the dredges and scraps of a civilization still blooming, she held a note. The awful, haunting afterimages of light hung above her head like warnings, though she had not the courage to let them whisper her fears on repeat. Maybe she isn’t that important to him anymore after all. Maybe she truly does fear the idea that, no matter how hard she tries, he will never love her as much as she loves him.
And god, did she love Dave. She always did, even when the cool, composed image of him was shattered into messy, bloody pieces. She loved every little flaw she uncovered, and she loved through all the stupid arguments, the silly misunderstandings, the tragic ends.
Yet the space remains. The paper curls in her fist and crinkled into a night-unsalvageable ball. The jagged edges of her words dug into her skin and tore away at the topmost layer, and it did not hurt nearly as much as anything she has ever felt towards him. For all the fondness, the ruined vestiges of her one and only relationship echo in her mind, along with guilt. Guilt that, by leaving any inkling of interest behind, she was proving him right.
Like a curse she couldn’t get rid of, she scream-growled and tossed the wad of paper against his door. She turned and began to walk away, allowing the stars only a half-victory tonight.
But tomorrow, the sun would return, and that was a star too-- one that no one could ignore. If she could be his sun, and he could remember, and everything could be as it was but better, so much better…
Then wouldn’t that be a wonderful dream?